1:1 Specialist Support to Heal from the Role of Family Scapegoat 



Intensive 5 month Transform Program with Mary Toolan 

Apply Here










The growth I made with Mary was warp speed and unlike any other modality I have tried.

Kathy Tobias 

 I’ve experienced life-changing results after 2 sessions. It’s almost unbelievable, after so many decades searching for help.


So many years of healing combined have not done what was accomplished in the hour with you.

Cathy Potstra

How your family have treated you is criminal.


Nobody really cares or understands the depth of the pain you endure as the family scapegoat.


Most of my clients find me after a 30 year search for answers.

How you might be feeling:


Lost, alone, at your wits end, sad, hopeless, frightened, disorientated, stressed and extremely worried.

Barely keeping your head above water.


What you might be experiencing:


Horrific insidious abuse from multiple family members, each playing off each other

Feeling discombobulated at the cycle of abuse (they’re not mean all the time)

Confusion over the dynamics in your family - wondering if you have a part to play in it too

Attempting to go low or no contact and feeling terrified at the prospect of it

Feeling sorry and compassionate for the abusers (toxic compassion)

Difficulty making decisions because of debates happening inside your head


I know what it’s like.

When I finally went No Contact with my abusers in 2018 I was terrified for months.  I didn’t have a support network or any professionals who understood the situation.  My old friends took the side of my family and I had to also go No Contact with all extended family. 

I had to find my own way to heal from the impact of decades of bullying and the cycle of abuse. 

Through years of research, study and time spent going down various therapeutic modality rabbit holes, I finally discovered a way to heal and get relief from the pain.

I’m grateful to be able to share my hard earned wisdom and knowledge with you.

The Transform Program


I’ve been successfully helping people heal from the role of the family scapegoat since 2020.

The Transform Program is a 5 month Intensive healing program where you’ll receive the tools you need to feel free from the abuse.

We do 12 x 60 min zoom audio calls and you have access to my group program and my full library of online classes.

In our sessions we’ll unpack the complexity of the dynamics in your family, your role and how it’s impacted you.

I’ll help you re-wire the neural pathways of your brain in order to release the brain washing from your childhood and the traumatic imprint on your subconscious. 

How it works: 

1. Complete the Intake Form

Share your specific challenges with us as well as desired results so we can understand how best to help.

2. Discovery Call with Mary

60 min complimentary discovery call with Mary via Zoom audio to check if we're a good fit to work together. 

3. Start Healing

Experience life free from the trauma.  Grow your confidence, self trust and empowerment. 

Click to Apply


“I am totally amazed by the progress, that I am doing working 1:1 with Mary. As a scapegoat child I have been doing recovery work for three decades now, without really knowing, what the problem was. I have worked with several psychologists, therapists and coaches, but this is beyond anything, I have ever met. 


In every session Mary has used the most effective tools and found the right key to help me open up to joy, validation and peace of mind. I’ve experienced life changing results after 14 days (2 sessions) working with Mary and it’s almost unbelievable to me, after so many decades searching for help. She is really, really good and I know, that with her guidance I will soon be on the other side of this struggle. This is THE momentum for me. With her help and guidance I feel safe. Thank you very much, Mary.”

"Working with Mary completely changed my life for the better. I've tried many forms of therapy, but nothing addressed the horrors of being a Scapegoat Child.  I wanted to enjoy the beautiful life that I deserve, that I worked so hard to achieve. Mary's support and guidance is invaluable. Prior to my six month Scapegoat Child Recovery journey with Mary, I was terrified and alone in my no contact with my family of origin. I had terrible nightmares and severe anxiety. 51 years of being shamed, psychologically tortured and abused was enough for me. I was feeling guilty for escaping the living hell, for saying "no more" to my abusers. 


Today I'm nightmare free. I don't tremble when the doorbell rings. I don't over explain myself and try to justify my existence. I retired from being an overgiver and started giving to myself. I am not guilty. My hypervigilance has softened. Most importantly, I'm able to enjoy my life and give zero fucks about what anyone thinks of me. I BELONG! I deserve to live life in peace and to have healthy, loving relationships. I'm so excited to wake up every day! My inner child is finally being loved and supported. It's a 360 transformation!


Mary, thank you for giving me a voice, for helping me get to a place where I feel safe and can heal the pain of what I endured for most of my life. I'm so grateful and happy!!!




"Before working with Mary and despite two years of previous healing work, I was still at war with myself. My interior world was fraught with enemies, goblins, and landmines. 

As our work began I was amazed when parts of me that have never trusted anyone began enthusiastically trusting Mary! 

Within a short time, Mary helped me see all my parts for who they are: small, frightened, and forgotten children frozen in time by trauma and no longer like the bad guys I feared they were.

What an amazing and beautiful new way to relate to self after 50 years at war!"


Michael Sager 


"I have been working 1:1 with Mary for the past six months. In that time I have made more progress than I have in the past 30 years from other healers and counselors.

Mary gave me insight, understanding and a comprehensive plan to heal from being scapegoated by my family my entire life.

She is the warmest, safest, smartest, most compassionate and gifted healer I have worked with.

She is extremely generous with her time and resources. My work with Mary has been life changing and I would highly recommend her to anyone looking for answers."

Connie P


"The Scapegoat Recovery Coaching program I did with Mary was life changing. I was able to rebuild the confidence my parents constantly shattered throughout my childhood, move forward on my healing journey, and lean into my creative side.

Finding this program helped me move past roadblocks I’d been facing for over 40 years."


"I had many hesitations signing up to Mary's Transform Program, since no professionals had been able to truly help me for decades.   I have seen many psychologists, a psychiatrist, taken Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as EMDR and hypnosis.  

While all modalities helped somewhat, nothing could address the root cause of the persistent feelings that I was somehow to blame for the situation I found myself in.

The difference with Mary's coaching is that she has been the scapegoat herself.  She helped me see clearly through the bullshit, the gaslighting and the insane generational dysfunctional covert abuse from the family I was unfortunately born into. 

She helped me address my buried rage while finding my inner strength and resilience. With one on one coaching calls we addressed my inner childhood trauma and the persistent catastrophic nightmares of feeling unsafe and abandoned.  

These nightmares had been plaguing me every night for 30 years.  After less than 3 months working with Mary, the nightmares have ceased- I've had no terrifying nightmares for 3 weeks now!   I'll continue to monitor but it feels like I have made the breakthrough to allow me to finally live the life I deserve and have worked so hard for. 

I highly recommend Mary if you have been searching for the missing piece of the puzzle".


Anonymous Aussie 

Kathy Tobias

Mary is a remarkable healer.
 Her energetic wisdom and empathy paired with her understanding of trauma and IFS (Internal Family Systems) informed her powerful presence in my healing process.

The growth I made with Mary was warp speed and unlike any other modality I have tried.  I will always treasure the work we did and highly recommend her to anyone who is ready to make a step forward.

P Turner

Mary has helped me with certain traumatic things I couldn't get anywhere near on my own or with my therapist.

Each call I had with her has made a lifetime of difference for me.

Christine Zaroura

Having Mary as my coach was everything I needed in connecting deeper with the wounds and traumas of my childhood. She gave me direction, understanding, comfort and guidance. Mary has a gift for softening and offering space when needed and knowing when to provide valuable guidance around my family dynamics. She has changed my life forever and I am extremely grateful to have her in my life.


Mary is very knowledgeable and intuitive and gave me great insight into my childhood wounds. Her empathy and presence helped me to heal and integrate and the whole process was professional and smooth.


“I also wanted to say thank you so much for everything! You have been so helpful and especially the one to one sessions were so helpful and really helped me to change my mindset and reframe the way I look at things - so thank you so much for that! You really are an inspiration.”



Working with Mary was liberating. 

I had done a ton of research regarding the type of therapist I wanted, and when I came across Mary, I knew I had found the right professional for me. As a scapegoat child, I have a lot of troubles trusting people. I was skeptical about therapy and telling my story. 

However, right from the get go, Mary understood exactly where I was coming from. She is an ACTIVE LISTENER. 

I didn’t have to convince her about the issues I faced and / or the stories I was telling. More importantly, I felt she was in my corner from day one. 


Mary helped me seek clarity through exploration of words and by defining and breaking down language. Through this, I was able to understand and confirm the inappropriateness of behaviors that were used against me throughout my childhood, which sadly still continue today. 

We talked about boundaries and how to implement them. I am working on this.  Therapy with Mary was liberating. I got to tell my story and rid myself of unnecessary guilt and shame put on me. I highly recommend Mary, especially if you are a scapegoat child! She will understand you from the get go! I will continue to work with Mary in her group sessions. Thanks for all your help Mary.